Well, we’re getting personal here. (After all, can we really talk about matters of the heart for very long without getting personal?) Today I’m sharing with you a passage from the book that you may or may not relate to. However, if you find yourself mourning a lost relationship or another mistake, I hope you’ll recognize the freedom that today offers you…
A New Perspective
I went to work that day reluctantly. My heart felt like it had been completely crushed, my mind was whirling in a million directions, and I could cry without a moment’s notice. I had never been dumped before, and it felt horrible. But it wasn’t just about being dumped. It was that for the past seven months, he and I had been talking about wedding plans, convinced that God had brought us together and that we were “the one” for each other. We had based this whole thing on what God wanted (we thought). We had prayed and fasted and sought God (we thought). This wasn’t just about a break-up. This also meant that when it came to what I thought was God’s will for my life, I had been wrong. Again. This went beyond emotional – although the emotion was no lighthearted matter – This went to the spiritual.
God, how do I keep missing You on this? How will I ever know it’s Your voice, when I’ve been wrong about Your voice now so many times? Why do I keep giving my heart to people who don’t want it or don’t deserve it? How do I keep my focus on You and not allow a romance to steal it away? What do I do with this longing I have for my future husband, and how long do I have to live with it unfulfilled?
The break-up had happened the night before over the phone. I couldn’t believe that after all the promises he had made to me, he was so nonchalant about calling it quits and walking away. We had just been planning the rest of our lives together, and now I don’t matter anymore? What about how you said you knew God wanted us together? Did God change His mind?
This sense of betrayal and abandonment was new to me. Of course, the hurt and heartache were expected. However… strangely… even in the middle of processing all these thoughts and emotions, I was sensing something else, too… What was this feeling? Was it normal to feel this way the day after a break-up? While still freshly mourning the loss of the relationship, the shattered dreams, the broken promises, I was surprised to feel this very strange but very welcome sense of… Freedom.
In the middle of the pain, I realized that I was now free from all the weight I had been carrying throughout this relationship. I realized that I no longer had to try to convince myself daily that this was God’s will. I no longer had to fight to push away that little nagging sense that something wasn’t quite right about our being together. Yes, this meant I would have to start over. Yes, I was older than I wanted to be while single with no prospects (again). But I was free to dream again! I no longer had to try to fit this person into the silhouette God had painted in my heart for my future spouse. I could stop wrestling with all the pieces of this relationship that just weren’t fitting into what I knew my future was supposed to be, and I could start re-dreaming about what (and who) God actually wanted for me. For once, it was a relief not to know the face to that silhouette in my heart. That freedom felt better than any moment in the previous seven months of trying to tie myself forever to someone who was not God’s best for me.
That week began a journey that I had suspected all along would be necessary, but I had secretly hoped I could bypass. It began my journey of embracing and enjoying Single. Up until that point, I had been in a lifelong race to get through Single as fast as I could and skip happily into Marriage. But that close call in my life made me so grateful that I was spared from jumping into Marriage with the wrong person that my eyes were finally starting to open to see how thankful I should be for Single… no matter how long the season of Single would last.
The peace and contentment that followed were priceless in helping me to grow personally in my walk with God. Free to focus on Him, on ministry, and on dreaming again, I found myself standing at the first day of the rest of my life. And that’s a good place to be.
“…I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation…”
Philippians 4:12 (NIV)
