I’m sure many of us would reactively shout, “True!” with a sigh of exasperation. Chances are, though, regardless of where you are in life, the answer is likely, “False.”

Before I make you angry (which is not at all my intent), please hear me out. I’ve encountered people all the time, in various aspects of life, who are “just so busy.” In my previous life as an Executive Assistant, it was one of the favorite topics of the office… Everyone who came by my desk wanted to tell about how busy they were (well, except for the people who actually were the busiest; they didn’t have time to stop and tell me about it). In my personal life with friends and family, it’s so hard to plan get-togethers and spend any degree of quality time together, because everybody is “SO busy.” And my favorite of all… As a preacher’s kid growing up in church, it’s always amazed me at how many times church takes a back seat in people’s lives because of how “busy” they are (and how “busy” their kids are these days… It’s staggering).

I propose that “busy” is a relative term, like “tall” or “short.” For example, the average height of men in Americais 5’ 10”. So a 5’ 10” man in Americais neither considered “tall” nor “short.” On contrast, the average height for a man in Vietnamis 5’ 5”. It would be culturally insensitive for an American man who is 5’ 8” to go to Vietnamand complain about being so short. In contrast, a 6’ 0” tall American man would probably get laughed at if he boasted about being tall in Norway, where the average male height is exactly 6’ 0” tall1. You see where I’m going with this?

I have a hard time remembering how many people I have encountered recently who weren’t “busy.” I have a wide array of acquaintances… A stay-at-home mom with 7 children all under the age of 14. Families with two, three, or four children, all of whom are involved in various school and extracurricular activities and whose parents both work full-time. Pastors who balance their role before God with endless meetings, prayer counseling appointments, church administration, and tending to their own families’ needs. Business professionals who manage large staffs of employees, vendors, and company finances, all the while trying to balance their home and church lives with their demanding careers. College students trying to juggle newfound levels of independence with the daunting task of self-managing their own lives while trying to make a success out of their educational pursuits. What do all these people have in common? They’re all “busy.”

So you see, when I ask a friend, “How are you?” and their first response is, “BUSY!” …the meaning is kind of lost on me, much like the Norwegian who smirks at the “tall” 6’ 0” American.

Sound harsh? That’s not my purpose, except maybe it is a little… I hope to wake us up to the reality that (get this): practically EVERYBODY is BUSY. It’s the new normal. Or maybe it’s not so new, after all. It’s just that today, instead of being “busy” waking to a rooster’s crowing before dawn to go milk the cows and feed the pigs before a long day harvesting in the fields, we wake to an alarm clock and are “busy” rushing to get our morning coffee before running to clock-in to the office for our 8-hour work day.

So if “BUSY” is the new normal, is it really culturally accurate for you to keep talking about how “busy” you are? Or are you just normal?

This is not to mention how self-centered it makes us sound when we’re constantly referring to our busyness…
Even if you are legitimately “busy,” think about the message you send to someone when you talk about how busy you are…
First and foremost, you’re implying that they aren’t as busy as you, which is a great assumption on your part. In our society, somehow we’ve started equating “busyness” to “importance” as a human being. This is a great tragedy of our day. When we build our value into how busy we are, we inherently devalue others by our perception of their “un-busyness,” and we thus rate human value based on doing. You’ve heard it said, “We’re not human doings; we’re human beings”? There’s a lot of truth in that; yet our society screams otherwise. So when you start ranting about how busy you are, you are actually implying an insult toward the other person, no matter how unintentional it may be on your part.

It always humors me (and by “humor,” I mean aggravates me to my core) how it seems that the people who complain the loudest and the most often about how busy they are seem to be the ones who shouldn’t be that busy. Don’t get me wrong; I know you have to consider a person’s viewpoint and circumstances, and everyone is different. But seriously, when a single person with no kids and no obligations other than taking care of him/herself complains to me about staying so busy with their job, I want to say, “Is that all you’ve got?” That’s not a shot against single people, because one of the truly busiest people I know is a single lady with no children, who works a full-time job and yet has fully devoted her life to ministry and to helping increase value in other people’s lives. Her schedule makes my mind whirl at times; yet ironically enough, she is probably the person in my life who complains the least about how busy she is.
So this isn’t against anyone’s station in life. But you know, for someone with no children to complain to me, a mother with two very energetic preschoolers, about how busy they are, I feel is about as ludicrous as if I were to complain to my friend with 7 children about how busy I am. You see what I mean? “Busy” is a relative term.

The moral of the story? What if we took our eyes off of ourselves for a minute every now and then and consider our audience? This is something we (and I’m as guilty as anyone) forget to do so very often in our relationships. Sometimes we get so wrapped up in us that we forget them. We can say the dumbest things sometimes. Until you’ve had children, you don’t know what it’s like to have children. So please don’t tell your friend with a new baby that you understand what they’re going through because of the hard time you had when you first got your new puppy. You don’t understand. I promise. (And I know, because I thought my dogs were like children to me, too. Until I had children. Even if it’s the same to you, I assure you it’s not the same to your friend). Likewise, please don’t tell someone who just lost their mother that you can relate because your neighbor lost their third cousin twice-removed last year. Sympathize, yes. But please draw a line before sympathy crosses over into stupidity and presumption. Furthermore, when you catch yourself about to go into long dramatic detail about how busy you are, I encourage you to pause, take a moment, and ask yourself, “I wonder what this person has going on in her life?”

See, we could debate all day about whether or not we are truly busy. But the bottom line is that we are as busy as we want to be. I can already hear you shouting at me, protesting about all of the demands life has put on you. And for a few people, there may be absolute, unavoidable circumstances that make that true. But for the vast majority of us, we’re busy because we choose to be involved in so many things. So the question isn’t whether or not we’re busy. The question is whether or not we should be cutting anything out of our lifestyles. And if the answer is “no,” then we need to come to terms with how busy we are and stop complaining about it all the time, as if it’s some badge of honor to flash around at all the people in our lives, especially those who ever dare ask us to do something in addition to our normal routine.

You know, when this life is over for you, only a few things are going to remain as your legacy. If I were betting, I would bet that the most treasured possessions you leave behind won’t be all the overtime you put in at your job, all the money, time, and sheer stress you put into carting your kids from one sporting competition to another, all the while losing your own sanity, or all of the PTAmeetings and business trips or whatever else makes you so very, very “busy.” Those things… the nice car, the expensive vacations, the employee-of-the-year, or the basketball MVP award… While they all might be great experiences and perhaps even hold some value for you, none of those things are going to stand up at your funeral and pay honor to you. But you know who will? The people in your life. The ones who knew you.

Your time is perhaps the most valuable resource you have, but where are you spending it? Are you spending it running in circles, or are you spending it investing in what matters most: your relationship with God and your relationships with the people God has given you?

I have been so very guilty of playing the “busy” card at inappropriate and invalid times. And there are times when life gets overwhelming, and we genuinely do need to talk to someone close to us about our busyness. But I hope you’ll join me in banning “busy” as the go-to excuse or our favorite monologue to present to someone when they invite us to do something.

See, “busy” is code for “all my time is allocated elsewhere.” It’s like when you say, “I can’t go out to eat; I’m broke.” For many of us, we aren’t really “broke.” We could have gone out to eat, had we not already allocated all our resources elsewhere. So for lack of planning, we’re “money-broke.” Busyness is being “time-broke.” “I’ve used up all I have elsewhere. I have nothing to give you.”
So when I ask someone if they can do something – whether it’s helping me out with a volunteer need at church or going to lunch with me or coming to my daughter’s birthday party – and they apologize that they can’t, because they’re just so “busy,” it tells me all I need to know.

1Wikipedia.com: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Human_height#Average_height_around_the_world