As for God, his way is perfect: The Lord’s word is flawless;
he shields all who take refuge in him. Psalm 18:30 NIV

I stood in the arena, surrounded by thousands of other people, with tears streaming down my face. I wasn’t even supposed to have been on this trip to this youth conference in Atlanta. Last-minute circumstances necessitated another leader for the trip, so my husband and I scrambled to pull together the logistics for me to go. We left our three kids with my parents, our dog with my cousin, and my church obligations with other team members who were willing to step in on short notice. The whirlwind of the week left me little time to contemplate what might come out of the trip for me personally, spiritually speaking. The point of the trip wasn’t for me anyway. It was for the eight middle and high school students we were taking to the conference. But even in the busyness of the days prior, I had an underlying suspicion that God was up to something…

So here I was, with 13,000 other people, at the end of an evening session. A powerful, life-challenging message had just been delivered, and Hillsong Young & Free had just taken back the stage to lead us in a response of commitment and worship. Ever since the opening of the session earlier that night, when I saw that the “Oceans girl” (Taya Smith) was there, I had been hoping they would do that song. They had led us in an hour of praise and worship at the beginning of the session, all of which was exciting and authentic and powerful… but no “Oceans.” It was ok, though. The entire evening had been such a genuine experience in God’s Presence… There was no way I could have left disappointed.

Then as the pastor wrapped up his message, I heard the opening chord progression… and I knew it was coming. I recognized the song immediately, and my expectation rose. I knew what was coming next… but I had no idea what was really coming next.

The melody penetrated the arena…

“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the Presence of my Saviour…”

…and God penetrated my heart. Deeply.

Immediately, God’s Presence very tangibly filled and rested throughout the room. Each repeat of the bridge washed over me like wave after wave, and I began to contemplate the lyrics deeply and personally. Before long, I broke down, not only in tears, but in full, unrestrained sobs. My heart and God’s Spirit met in those moments, and a reconciliation took place that I had been longing for for quite some time.

See, my trust in God had been very severely bordered.

Disappointments, unanswered questions, and inexplicable challenges had been building up over the course of several years now. While none of them could shatter my love for God or my commitment to following Him, they had most definitely placed boundaries around my trust in Him.

I felt my faith had been met with defeat more often than it had been met with victory.

I felt my trust was in tact but could be easily fragmented with another blow of disappointment.

I felt like absolutes I had always known to be true had become not-so-absolute.

Ultimately, I felt like God had let me down.

I had been very careful not to grow angry with Him, but I had inadvertently allowed walls to form around my trust in Him. I wanted to trust without limits, but I had too much fear from the failures and disappointments.

“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders…”

In those moments, the words washed over me over and over again, and every time they did, it was as if another layer of disappointment was shed, another wall fell, and another aspect of faith was freed to break out.

“Let me walk upon the waters…”

I had never lost my desire to walk in the same power as Jesus did, but now my hope was breaking out again, shattering through the shell of disappointment, and I found the strength to believe again.

“And my faith will be made stronger
In the Presence of my Saviour…”

My faith was fortified in those moments of brokenness. In the middle of 13,000 people, it may as well have been just my Saviour and me. In His Presence, so tangible and real, His Perfect Love broke through years of mounting fears that had taken root deep inside. His Perfect Love cast out the fear and replaced it with faith.

He drew me closer to Himself in those moments. He used a moment in a session of a conference on a trip I wasn’t even supposed to be on. He knew our relationship had suffered a blow, and although we had moved on together, He wanted the deep things to be made right even more than I had wanted it. He wasn’t content to just move forward. He wanted to draw me in to a place of renewed trust, to launch me into a place of greater faith.

So that’s exactly what He did. I repented in those moments for holding Him at arm’s length. I let go of all the disappointment, of all the failures, and of all the unanswered questions, and Freedom captured my heart again.

I share all of this, because maybe you can relate to where I have been. Is your trust in Jesus bordered by fears, failures, or disappointments? Are you struggling with anger or doubt toward God? Have you lost hope in the One who once was your shelter and inspiration and motivation? Are there places in your heart and mind that have been locked away from God’s touch, because you don’t know how to open them back up to Him?

Maybe you’re like me and you never meant to let those walls be built, but somehow they were. I encourage you to do whatever it takes to get into the Presence of your Saviour – right now, wherever you are – and let His Perfect Love cast out all your fear. Let His Presence wash over you and break through the borders that have been set up around your heart. He can penetrate the disappointment and the disillusionment. Remember, He wants the relationship to be made right even more than you do.

He has purposes for you and me… Besides wanting the relationship with us personally, He has other hurting people He wants us to help reach. There are places He wants to send us, miracles He wants us to see and even to perform. He wants us to walk on the water… Remember, it was out on the water that He called Peter to come toward Him. Sometimes, out in the deep is where we find Jesus. He’s calling us to come. He needs us to be whole. We need to be whole.

Will you let Him shatter the borders around your trust today?

I don’t know where all of this will go, or what challenges we may encounter, or what opportunities may be placed before us that are unfathomable to my imagination right now. I don’t know what situations He will call me to walk into or what miracles He will cause me to see, but…

“Spirit, lead me where my trust is without borders. Let me walk upon the waters, wherever You would call me…
…And my faith fill be made stronger in the Presence of my Saviour.”

It’s the year for breakout. We are uncontainable.